Love Endures

I created and administrate a support group for former Jehovah's Witnesses called Ex-Jehovah's Witness Recovery 3! found on Facebook. Since 2006 we have helped hundreds of people come to a place of healing by bringing the following words to life: You Are Not Alone. I occasionally receive personal messages from people who do not want to make their identities public. They often ask me to post certain questions to other members or ask the group for feedback on certain issues. I thought I received this kind of message today when a message came in asking me to post something anonymously. To my pleasant surprise, it wasn't the usual kind of request.

A young man asked me to post the image of a note he received from his thirteen year old niece with the following message to the group: "My 13yo baptized niece snuck this note to me. Summary: I miss talking to you...favorite uncle...I love you. I'm left speechless. Thumbs up to her for her seemingly small but incredibly brave act. I love you too!" Here is the image. 

This generated comments from other members that ranged from sadness to hope. Sadness because a thirteen year old young person is not allowed to speak to her excommunicated uncle for religious reasons. As a baptized member of the congregation she risks excommunication for communicating with him. This young person risks losing contact with her whole world. If her parents found out, she would have to live with their disappointment. There were also hopeful comments. This young person was willing to risk her relationship with her family and the people of the congregation to send a message to her excommunicated uncle. If she thought excommunication was positive, there would be no note, no attempted contact, nothing. Her actions are speaking here, and it's saying "I love you, no matter what."


Christopher K. Young one of the other admins in the group made a very good comparison.

These high control groups, these cults, can never vanquish the core person that resides simultaneously with the fabricated cult personality indoctrinated into the minds of these people. I'm confident this young person will see how unloving this organization is someday. This note is a reflection of who she really is, a young person with a beautiful heart. I commend her for breaking the rules and taking the risk despite the culture of fear.

Much love to all the Jehovah's Witnesses who practice kindness above coercion, and who demonstrate love above hate. Keep questioning, keep defying the Watchtower, and keep learning. To all you very young Jehovah's Witnesses too scared or unable to do something now, know there is a group of Ex-Jehovah's Witnesses that are willing to give you support once you are able to act on your own.

Sagan's Birthday Year Two 2014

Sagan,

I have been writing you a birthday blog in the form of a letter every year. In a few days you will be two years old. This is my third letter. As you were getting older I received many solicited and unsolicited opinions from different parents. Some said I would miss you being a newborn, others gave stern warning about how challenging it would be when you grew to be a toddler. Challenging it definitely is; however, I see the glee in your eyes now that you can do so much more. You're free from the helpless prison your body had you in as as a baby. You are a very active toddler, and a very smart one. Part of your development is to challenge the establishment, namely us your parents. So yes, sometimes you throw yourself on the ground in the tantrumest of tantrums. You're not even two yet and you have already challenged us many times. I find it amazing that this is so integral to the development of a human being. Your mother and I, as challenging as it can be, understand this process is necessary. We give you your space to experience it. As always, you are a teacher, and as always, despite the occasional rise against the parents, you are very good boy.

There is one more thing I'd like to document for your future eyes and wonderful heart. This is the year I moved out of the house, the year your mother and I went our separate ways. In fact, the day after your 2nd birthday party will be the day I move into my new apartment. It is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my life. When I was a child, your Grandfather did not live with me. When he'd come visit and he'd have to go home my heart would break into a thousand pieces. I would cry and cry. The hole I felt in my heart ran deep. I would hyperventilate as I sobbed. As a child I decided this is something I would never subject any of my future children to. I would dream of having the family I never had, Mom, Dad, and son. When I tell you that my move this year is the most difficult thing I have ever done, it is no exaggeration. The child I was, the broken hearted hyperventilating child is currently making an occasional appearance in my heart. I cry and cry. The endless hole reappears. This is not what I wanted for us. I feel like I failed you, yet I know these feelings are not true. I know things will get better. I know that I will not fail you. I know that life is more than just my dream and more than what I want. It's just how I feel. My inner child cries for his dream, he cries for you. I want you to know that this is not your fault. People change. Circumstances change. Your mother and I love you with all our hearts. We both sacrifice for you. Your mother loves you deeply, and I will always love her deeply for the type of mother she is to you. We will work together to raise you to be the best person you can be. Our relationship may have changed, but our deep love and commitment to you is something we will always have in common. You both are forever my family.

Happy Birthday, Sagan. Welcome to the rest of your life. I can't wait to see what this year will bring. I am sure you will continue to surprise us, enlighten us, and occasionally drive us crazy. I look forward to watching you grow. I look forward to our time together. I promise to be the best Dad I can be. Until next year. Oh and "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Love,


Dad

P.S. Ask me about your obsession with Lightning McQueen from the movie Cars (2006) when you're older. Holy shit, Sagan! :) 

My Mortal Enemy And My Loyal Companion

I fight you with joy, and drown you with distractions.  The battle is won, but the war is really never over. Like a virus not completely beaten, you come back stronger. You may take another form, another circumstance; nevertheless, you inevitably return. Like a black hole, light does not escape your gravity. You take everything. I am forced to seek the sun in order to make it rise again. I find the sun and it gives light and warmth to my stage. The projector resumes. Some players keep playing, some disappear, others never come back. How long will it last this time? The birds chirp, the flowers bloom, and the snow melts. I enjoy the season. I enjoy every minute of it. I soak in the beauty of it. It gives me strength. It prepares me for your return. We dance again. We fight again. You're my mortal enemy and a loyal companion.

Letter To My Younger Self

Dear Younger Ruben Ortiz,

I write this to you knowing you will never read it. It may be of interest to your future son someday, or some other young person. Ruben, the most constant thing in your life will be change. You will become someone you never imagined you'd be. The world is not as black and white as you think, there is so much more grey than you can ever imagine. There will be matters you will open up to, that you never dreamed you'd accept. Life will bless you, yet it will present some challenges that will pummel you. These experiences will shape you; they will empower you, and at other times humble you. Amazing moments are coming your way. Cherish every single one of them. Keep them in your heart as a reserve fuel. Think of them when times become difficult, when you lose someone you love, when you lose a friend, when you have to start over, whenever you're in pain. I promise that with every loss, there is a reward because you learn to fight for them. One day, you'll have a calling, something you'd never expected to have. You will not consider it a calling from God; you will consider it a calling from your humanity, from your sense of responsibility. It will bring you great joy, and it will bring you lots of love. Many individuals will be tacked on to your list of friends and family who already mean so much to you. You will cry out, "You are not alone," and it will be true of you. Continue to grow in knowledge, be kind, and above all let love be evident in all you do. I have a feeling in whatever place we find ourselves in time, we're going to be okay.

 

Sincerely,

Future Ruben Ortiz.

Sagan Year 2013

Sagan,

One year ago our lives changed forever. Into our hearts and home came this little man as helpless as can be completely dependent on his mother and father to care for him. When you were growing inside your mother I'd often daydream about all the lessons we were going to teach you. Little did I know that you were going to be teaching us the lessons first. You were named after a very influential thinker and scientist, Carl Sagan. He was a man of great wisdom. The name Sagan itself means wisdom. We chose the middle name Anand because it means bliss. A source of wisdom and bliss you certainly are. I'd like to share a few things I learned from you this past year:

1. Parents are ministers.

I learned what the word minister really means. A newborn baby is dependent on you for everything. You don't have to be religious to be in servitude to someone else. Sure we are your guardians, but as your guardians it is our job to care for you. This takes humility and patience. Characteristics you helped us beef up.

2. You'll make big moves when you're good and ready.

A developing human will make their next move when they are good and ready. Your body dictated when you were ready to sit up, chew food, crawl, etc. These things happened when they were going to happen. We all had to wait, even you. I think this applies to more than your physical development. Before you started walking on your own, we knew you could. We caught you a few times taking a step or two on your own. As many times as we encouraged you to walk, even though you could, you waited until it felt right for you. I won't forget this lesson. I will give you space and time when you are making important decisions.

3. Find joy in the little things.

One morning I saw you blissfully playing with the most simple household object. You were so happy. What the hell is wrong with us adults that cannot find joy in the simple things? Thanks for the reminder kid.

4. Happiness is contagious.

You exemplify this term. You laugh with us even if you don't know what's going on. I will carry this with me. I will always try to give others the happy bug. As our friend Raven is always going on about with good reason, "mirror neurons!" I learned that a happy baby just doesn't get hugs, kisses, praise, etc. A happy baby comes from a home of happy people.

5. Your mother deserves deep gratitude and respect.

You taught me that your mother is tough as nails. From twenty-eight hours of labor to sleepless nights to breast feeding you up to now to every single sacrifice she has had to make to give you the best care. All this makes her a superwoman. She is to be revered and given the utmost respect. You are healthy and here because of her. I will always cherish her for this as I know you shall as well.

I love you Sagan. Thank you for your gifts. It may not always be easy to be a parent but it is rewarding when you see your child turning out so wonderfully. Happy first birthday my son.


Love,

Dad

The Story Of Sparlock

This is the story of Sparlock the Warrior Wizard,
A magnificent, magnanimous, wizard is he.

Sparlock was born in the deepest of space
From a planet where witches and warlocks
Are race.

Sparlock never had a mom and dad
Who was glad that he learned
Magic from those who weren't bad.

The freethinking warlocks from Zimbabeedoo
Found him crying aloud
In his crashed spacecraft tube.

Sparlock was sent to Wizardry School
Where he learned about magic, about science, about love.
Where he learned helping others was an ultimate hug.

Not all the warlocks and witches are good. 
In the scary, dark city called Sosyeti stood
What was called the Witchtower.
Spreading darkness as far as they could.

A plague on the planet the Witchtower is
They spread dread and fear
And they focus on kids.

With his fashionable wand
And a shield in hand
He battles these villains;
A thorn in their plans.

The Witchtower governing class spread lies
Attacking his magic
As a curse from the dark side.

But our hero will not rest
And our hero will fight.
He will fight though the day.
He will fight through the night.
Until the day comes
Awaited by all,
That wonderful day the Witchtower falls.

By: Ruben Ortiz
AKA Dr. Raifranss

Like Sparlock on Facebook (click link)

I promise you Sagan...

Dear Sagan,

You are days away from being born. I feel like I'm waiting for my wedding day except I don't know what day you're going to choose to show your head. I don't know who you will become or what kind of man you'll be someday. All I know is that you come from the two most important people in my life, your mother, and of course the person anyone should love the most, myself. It took billions of years for us to show up on the scene and here we are. You will become the part of my heart I leave to this world, along with some of my DNA I selfishly want to leave behind after I'm long gone. I would love to see that. Honestly, ever since I found out your mother was pregnant, my mortality has been staring me in the face. I will do the best I can to be there for you as long as I can.

There are many expressions you will hear in your life; idioms that have a figurative meaning. One very popular one is "Nobody's perfect." Some day, as I probably bore you with one of the many life lessons I will attempt to impress on you, I'll probably ask you what you think that means. Seriously, what the hell is perfection anyway? I think a better way of expressing that idea would be, "Everyone makes mistakes." And here's a heads up kid, your mother and I are no exception. We're going to make lots of them. It's part of being human and a much needed experience to have in many cases. Mistakes can help us grow. In some instances you will learn from the mistakes others make; in fact, you might want to shoot for as many of those as you can, especially the actions that have irreversible consequences. However, we all make them and I hope you keep that in mind when dealing with us, and we'll keep that in mind when we're dealing with you.

There are many promises I want to make you. Yes, there will be times that I will not come through or fuck up; nevertheless, I give you my word that I will do my best to keep them. I want to take this opportunity to share ten of the biggest ones:

1. I promise to always love you; unless you become the biggest asshole in the world and a scourge on this planet.

You are and will always be my son. I want you to know that your mother and I will always love you. The conditions are pretty damn high, unless you become the next Hitler, a serial killer, try to kill us, or some other crime towards humanity, point is we'll always be there for you. That's as close to unconditional as you can get. And if I still love you, even after you do something terrible like that, it doesn't make me a bad person, it makes me human.

2. I promise to respect you as a person despite your age.

Just because you are young doesn't mean you do not deserve respect. If I want you to respect us we must respect you. Part of that respect includes knowing when to discipline you, how to discipline you, learning age appropriate discipline, never intentionally hurting you physically, and learning when it's time to let you fly on your own.

3. I promise to trust you.

Trust is a very important part of any relationship. Just as I expect us to have mutual respect for each other, I will expect us to have mutual trust for one another. We both must earn it and recognize that certain actions can either build that trust or hurt it.

4. As much as it will probably pain me at a particular point, no matter how annoyed I become, I promise always to explain to the best of my ability the sometimes dreaded word a parent can hear hundreds of times a day: Why.

I remember using this word to the point that it possibly made your Grandmother's ears bleed. I hated, no, detested when in response I would simply hear "Because I said so." It drove me mad. I know she meant well, and believe me, she did a great job raising me but that was one of her mistakes. I really felt invalidated when told that. I do not want you to feel that way. I will do my best to explain why certain things are the way they are and why your mother and I expect you to follow certain rules. I will do my best.

5. I promise to place a huge emphasis on your education.

Growing up, neither my family nor your mother's family placed an emphasis on education. We grew up in a religion that placed more of an emphasis on worshiping a God than pursuing a higher education. School is crucial. College will be spoken about from the time you're an infant. Even if you decide to do something else with your life that doesn't require a higher education, you will be extorted to pursue one anyway, not as a means to detract you from your dream, but for you to have something to fall back on while you shoot for it.

6. I promise to love you no matter what your sexual orientation is.

Whatever your sexual orientation, straight, gay, bi-sexual, or trans-gender, you will always be a part of us. We will love you. This world can be a cruel place to those that are different. In our home, in our family, you will be loved beyond measure and we will love you and be proud of you now matter your sexual orientation.

7. I promise to expose you to different ideologies and respect the right you have to decide your worldview.

By the time you read this you may already know that your Dad is a non-believer and skeptic. I don't have a religion to teach you and plan to raise you in a secular home. Science will be used to answer many questions we have explanations for. However, I think it would be a great disservice not to expose you to at least some of the ideas out there. You have a right to learn them and come to your own conclusions. I plan to teach you what I have learned about religion, God, etc. And not only one side of the issue, but also speak to you on why people find hope in these. There is a rich history, at times grotesque, at times beautiful. I would like us to visit different churches, hear their thoughts from their own voices, and I look forward to hear your thoughts on what they have to say. I am sure that doing this will help you come to your own rational conclusions.

8. I promise I will do my best to not be overprotective.

Many of Dad's friends don't know this about me, but when it comes to kids, I'm like my mother, I'm a bit overprotective. I am a worry wart, ask your mother. Every time she feels ill, or if I don't hear from her when I am expecting to, etc. she will receive many phone calls from me. I begin to worry and all these scenarios run through my head. She is the only thing coming between me placing a GPS device on you. HA! You have my permission to call me out on that shit anytime I get all liberal on a subject. I will do my best to be age appropriate with my protective nature.

9.  I promise to celebrate any damn holiday with you that you want.

Your mother and I were not allowed to celebrate any holidays growing up. Now ain't that some shit? Not you kiddo! You're going to get to celebrate any holiday you want, from Halloween to Christmas, it will be a no holds bar open tradition fest in our home. We may place a different significance behind the holidays than other people; nevertheless, they will be our family tradition aimed at bringing us close together.

10. I promise to provide for you physically and financially to the best of my ability.

We're not rich and most likely never will be, but we will do our best to provide you with what you need, and if circumstances permit, more. One thing that we find important is eating good food. So prepare for your parents to be feeding you healthy foods. Junk food will be allowed at times but for the most part we're going to feed you the good stuff. Your health will be a priority as will be providing you with the essentials one needs to live a comfortable life.

There are many more promises I intend to make and keep Sagan, these are just a few. I can't wait to meet you. I can't wait to hold you. I can't wait to hug and kiss you. I can't wait to raise you. I loved you before you even existed. Just the idea of you filled my heart with joy, can you imagine what I will feel when I hold you in my arms? I think your mother is right, I think I'm going to cry like a little bitch. Someday I'll let you know if she was right.

Love,

Dad