Letter To My Younger Self

Dear Younger Ruben Ortiz,

I write this to you knowing you will never read it. It may be of interest to your future son someday, or some other young person. Ruben, the most constant thing in your life will be change. You will become someone you never imagined you'd be. The world is not as black and white as you think, there is so much more grey than you can ever imagine. There will be matters you will open up to, that you never dreamed you'd accept. Life will bless you, yet it will present some challenges that will pummel you. These experiences will shape you; they will empower you, and at other times humble you. Amazing moments are coming your way. Cherish every single one of them. Keep them in your heart as a reserve fuel. Think of them when times become difficult, when you lose someone you love, when you lose a friend, when you have to start over, whenever you're in pain. I promise that with every loss, there is a reward because you learn to fight for them. One day, you'll have a calling, something you'd never expected to have. You will not consider it a calling from God; you will consider it a calling from your humanity, from your sense of responsibility. It will bring you great joy, and it will bring you lots of love. Many individuals will be tacked on to your list of friends and family who already mean so much to you. You will cry out, "You are not alone," and it will be true of you. Continue to grow in knowledge, be kind, and above all let love be evident in all you do. I have a feeling in whatever place we find ourselves in time, we're going to be okay.

 

Sincerely,

Future Ruben Ortiz.

Sagan Year 2013

Sagan,

One year ago our lives changed forever. Into our hearts and home came this little man as helpless as can be completely dependent on his mother and father to care for him. When you were growing inside your mother I'd often daydream about all the lessons we were going to teach you. Little did I know that you were going to be teaching us the lessons first. You were named after a very influential thinker and scientist, Carl Sagan. He was a man of great wisdom. The name Sagan itself means wisdom. We chose the middle name Anand because it means bliss. A source of wisdom and bliss you certainly are. I'd like to share a few things I learned from you this past year:

1. Parents are ministers.

I learned what the word minister really means. A newborn baby is dependent on you for everything. You don't have to be religious to be in servitude to someone else. Sure we are your guardians, but as your guardians it is our job to care for you. This takes humility and patience. Characteristics you helped us beef up.

2. You'll make big moves when you're good and ready.

A developing human will make their next move when they are good and ready. Your body dictated when you were ready to sit up, chew food, crawl, etc. These things happened when they were going to happen. We all had to wait, even you. I think this applies to more than your physical development. Before you started walking on your own, we knew you could. We caught you a few times taking a step or two on your own. As many times as we encouraged you to walk, even though you could, you waited until it felt right for you. I won't forget this lesson. I will give you space and time when you are making important decisions.

3. Find joy in the little things.

One morning I saw you blissfully playing with the most simple household object. You were so happy. What the hell is wrong with us adults that cannot find joy in the simple things? Thanks for the reminder kid.

4. Happiness is contagious.

You exemplify this term. You laugh with us even if you don't know what's going on. I will carry this with me. I will always try to give others the happy bug. As our friend Raven is always going on about with good reason, "mirror neurons!" I learned that a happy baby just doesn't get hugs, kisses, praise, etc. A happy baby comes from a home of happy people.

5. Your mother deserves deep gratitude and respect.

You taught me that your mother is tough as nails. From twenty-eight hours of labor to sleepless nights to breast feeding you up to now to every single sacrifice she has had to make to give you the best care. All this makes her a superwoman. She is to be revered and given the utmost respect. You are healthy and here because of her. I will always cherish her for this as I know you shall as well.

I love you Sagan. Thank you for your gifts. It may not always be easy to be a parent but it is rewarding when you see your child turning out so wonderfully. Happy first birthday my son.


Love,

Dad

The Story Of Sparlock

This is the story of Sparlock the Warrior Wizard,
A magnificent, magnanimous, wizard is he.

Sparlock was born in the deepest of space
From a planet where witches and warlocks
Are race.

Sparlock never had a mom and dad
Who was glad that he learned
Magic from those who weren't bad.

The freethinking warlocks from Zimbabeedoo
Found him crying aloud
In his crashed spacecraft tube.

Sparlock was sent to Wizardry School
Where he learned about magic, about science, about love.
Where he learned helping others was an ultimate hug.

Not all the warlocks and witches are good. 
In the scary, dark city called Sosyeti stood
What was called the Witchtower.
Spreading darkness as far as they could.

A plague on the planet the Witchtower is
They spread dread and fear
And they focus on kids.

With his fashionable wand
And a shield in hand
He battles these villains;
A thorn in their plans.

The Witchtower governing class spread lies
Attacking his magic
As a curse from the dark side.

But our hero will not rest
And our hero will fight.
He will fight though the day.
He will fight through the night.
Until the day comes
Awaited by all,
That wonderful day the Witchtower falls.

By: Ruben Ortiz
AKA Dr. Raifranss

Like Sparlock on Facebook (click link)

I promise you Sagan...

Dear Sagan,

You are days away from being born. I feel like I'm waiting for my wedding day except I don't know what day you're going to choose to show your head. I don't know who you will become or what kind of man you'll be someday. All I know is that you come from the two most important people in my life, your mother, and of course the person anyone should love the most, myself. It took billions of years for us to show up on the scene and here we are. You will become the part of my heart I leave to this world, along with some of my DNA I selfishly want to leave behind after I'm long gone. I would love to see that. Honestly, ever since I found out your mother was pregnant, my mortality has been staring me in the face. I will do the best I can to be there for you as long as I can.

There are many expressions you will hear in your life; idioms that have a figurative meaning. One very popular one is "Nobody's perfect." Some day, as I probably bore you with one of the many life lessons I will attempt to impress on you, I'll probably ask you what you think that means. Seriously, what the hell is perfection anyway? I think a better way of expressing that idea would be, "Everyone makes mistakes." And here's a heads up kid, your mother and I are no exception. We're going to make lots of them. It's part of being human and a much needed experience to have in many cases. Mistakes can help us grow. In some instances you will learn from the mistakes others make; in fact, you might want to shoot for as many of those as you can, especially the actions that have irreversible consequences. However, we all make them and I hope you keep that in mind when dealing with us, and we'll keep that in mind when we're dealing with you.

There are many promises I want to make you. Yes, there will be times that I will not come through or fuck up; nevertheless, I give you my word that I will do my best to keep them. I want to take this opportunity to share ten of the biggest ones:

1. I promise to always love you; unless you become the biggest asshole in the world and a scourge on this planet.

You are and will always be my son. I want you to know that your mother and I will always love you. The conditions are pretty damn high, unless you become the next Hitler, a serial killer, try to kill us, or some other crime towards humanity, point is we'll always be there for you. That's as close to unconditional as you can get. And if I still love you, even after you do something terrible like that, it doesn't make me a bad person, it makes me human.

2. I promise to respect you as a person despite your age.

Just because you are young doesn't mean you do not deserve respect. If I want you to respect us we must respect you. Part of that respect includes knowing when to discipline you, how to discipline you, learning age appropriate discipline, never intentionally hurting you physically, and learning when it's time to let you fly on your own.

3. I promise to trust you.

Trust is a very important part of any relationship. Just as I expect us to have mutual respect for each other, I will expect us to have mutual trust for one another. We both must earn it and recognize that certain actions can either build that trust or hurt it.

4. As much as it will probably pain me at a particular point, no matter how annoyed I become, I promise always to explain to the best of my ability the sometimes dreaded word a parent can hear hundreds of times a day: Why.

I remember using this word to the point that it possibly made your Grandmother's ears bleed. I hated, no, detested when in response I would simply hear "Because I said so." It drove me mad. I know she meant well, and believe me, she did a great job raising me but that was one of her mistakes. I really felt invalidated when told that. I do not want you to feel that way. I will do my best to explain why certain things are the way they are and why your mother and I expect you to follow certain rules. I will do my best.

5. I promise to place a huge emphasis on your education.

Growing up, neither my family nor your mother's family placed an emphasis on education. We grew up in a religion that placed more of an emphasis on worshiping a God than pursuing a higher education. School is crucial. College will be spoken about from the time you're an infant. Even if you decide to do something else with your life that doesn't require a higher education, you will be extorted to pursue one anyway, not as a means to detract you from your dream, but for you to have something to fall back on while you shoot for it.

6. I promise to love you no matter what your sexual orientation is.

Whatever your sexual orientation, straight, gay, bi-sexual, or trans-gender, you will always be a part of us. We will love you. This world can be a cruel place to those that are different. In our home, in our family, you will be loved beyond measure and we will love you and be proud of you now matter your sexual orientation.

7. I promise to expose you to different ideologies and respect the right you have to decide your worldview.

By the time you read this you may already know that your Dad is a non-believer and skeptic. I don't have a religion to teach you and plan to raise you in a secular home. Science will be used to answer many questions we have explanations for. However, I think it would be a great disservice not to expose you to at least some of the ideas out there. You have a right to learn them and come to your own conclusions. I plan to teach you what I have learned about religion, God, etc. And not only one side of the issue, but also speak to you on why people find hope in these. There is a rich history, at times grotesque, at times beautiful. I would like us to visit different churches, hear their thoughts from their own voices, and I look forward to hear your thoughts on what they have to say. I am sure that doing this will help you come to your own rational conclusions.

8. I promise I will do my best to not be overprotective.

Many of Dad's friends don't know this about me, but when it comes to kids, I'm like my mother, I'm a bit overprotective. I am a worry wart, ask your mother. Every time she feels ill, or if I don't hear from her when I am expecting to, etc. she will receive many phone calls from me. I begin to worry and all these scenarios run through my head. She is the only thing coming between me placing a GPS device on you. HA! You have my permission to call me out on that shit anytime I get all liberal on a subject. I will do my best to be age appropriate with my protective nature.

9.  I promise to celebrate any damn holiday with you that you want.

Your mother and I were not allowed to celebrate any holidays growing up. Now ain't that some shit? Not you kiddo! You're going to get to celebrate any holiday you want, from Halloween to Christmas, it will be a no holds bar open tradition fest in our home. We may place a different significance behind the holidays than other people; nevertheless, they will be our family tradition aimed at bringing us close together.

10. I promise to provide for you physically and financially to the best of my ability.

We're not rich and most likely never will be, but we will do our best to provide you with what you need, and if circumstances permit, more. One thing that we find important is eating good food. So prepare for your parents to be feeding you healthy foods. Junk food will be allowed at times but for the most part we're going to feed you the good stuff. Your health will be a priority as will be providing you with the essentials one needs to live a comfortable life.

There are many more promises I intend to make and keep Sagan, these are just a few. I can't wait to meet you. I can't wait to hold you. I can't wait to hug and kiss you. I can't wait to raise you. I loved you before you even existed. Just the idea of you filled my heart with joy, can you imagine what I will feel when I hold you in my arms? I think your mother is right, I think I'm going to cry like a little bitch. Someday I'll let you know if she was right.

Love,

Dad

The Office of Heaven

Hello. You have reached the office of heaven if you know the party you'd like to reach press 1 now. If you're looking for hell press 2 now. Para ayuda en español presione 2 ahora.

You selected the office of heaven. If this is correct press 1 now. If not press 2 now.

If you would like to speak to God press 1. Jesus 2. Allah please hang up and dial again, and select option 2.

You selected God. If this is correct press 1 now. If not press 2 now.

You have reached God. Please refer to the manual left to you by the ancients for any questions or concerns. Thank you for your call and have a nice day. Goodbye.

Pointing to the sun at night

My heart filled with pain, I hid from them. Strolling through the hall as a grunting zombie I would lift my arms to greet them, and squeeze their hands to meet them.

I attended the school of fools called servants, or was it slaves? Doesn't matter it's all the same. It was the day of my discarded marriage, the aborted day replaced with spoken garbage.

On my way home I was alone in a car filled with spiritual men. All had things to say about that great day, their egos were rocked. Recognized servants given special talks.

Straight to my room I fled. To my empty room with no bed. She had it all in what was to be our new place. I threw myself on to the ground and no thought could light up the darkness, the deep sadness that dwelled within me. I cried. My family tried to console me, but I was beyond help, beyond comfort.

That day I was provided no real light, no consolation, no loving insight. All I got were men in cheap suites pointing to the sun at night.

Jingle Bell Rock

The holiday season is at its close. Now when we go shopping, we will once again be listening to the music we are all used to hearing throughout the year. We can take a break from the bombardment of Holiday music. These songs are successful in inciting our emotions in one way or another. I am especially susceptible to one particular song: Jingle Bell Rock.

It was 1986 and I was in the fifth grade. The school had a holiday concert bash planned and each classroom in the school was going to perform a song. As a Jehovah’s Witness kid I was not allowed to participate. Up to that point I never felt I was missing out on celebrating the holidays. Unlike many other kids I knew that were in my situation, I could easily explain to you why I did not. I was the type of Jehovah’s Witness kid that would carry his Bible to school so that I could explain to my teacher why I could not salute the flag, “If you see here in Deuteronomy 4:15-20…” The Christmas explanation was a breeze. I had a lot of love in my house, from my mother and my siblings. Holidays or not I was a happy kid.

The day of the concert came and since I was not going to participate I was left with some activities to complete in the classroom. Our classroom was on the third floor of the school. Out of curiosity I walked over to the window and saw the set up they had on the playground. Then the singing began. I continued to watch and realized that I was the only person in the whole building. Everyone was outside. Once all the grades sang their songs, they all sang Jingle Bell Rock together. I loved the song! Listening to everyone sing it together was inspiring. That’s when I felt it. The one time in my whole childhood I felt I was missing out on the holidays was when I heard all those kids happily singing Jingle Bell Rock as I sat there alone.

When I hear Jingle Bell Rock today I am mentally transported to that moment to that feeling of being left out on what was just good clean fun because of a judgmental point of view that was inculcated by my church. At that one moment, I knew. It would not be until many years later that what I knew would be clear to me. Jingle Bell Rock reminds me of what the holidays are about, a celebration, a time for fun, and a time of giving. There is nothing wrong with choosing an occasion to share joy with others and there is no need to exclude yourself from it just because you disagree on the origins of such a celebration. Whether it was Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanza, or any other good old fashioned winter solstice celebration, I hope you enjoyed yours.