My heart filled with pain, I hid from them. Strolling through the hall as a grunting zombie I would lift my arms to greet them, and squeeze their hands to meet them.
I attended the school of fools called servants, or was it slaves? Doesn't matter it's all the same. It was the day of my discarded marriage, the aborted day replaced with spoken garbage.
On my way home I was alone in a car filled with spiritual men. All had things to say about that great day, their egos were rocked. Recognized servants given special talks.
Straight to my room I fled. To my empty room with no bed. She had it all in what was to be our new place. I threw myself on to the ground and no thought could light up the darkness, the deep sadness that dwelled within me. I cried. My family tried to console me, but I was beyond help, beyond comfort.
That day I was provided no real light, no consolation, no loving insight. All I got were men in cheap suites pointing to the sun at night.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Jingle Bell Rock
The holiday season is at its close. Now when we go shopping, we will once again be listening to the music we are all used to hearing throughout the year. We can take a break from the bombardment of Holiday music. These songs are successful in inciting our emotions in one way or another. I am especially susceptible to one particular song: Jingle Bell Rock.
It was 1986 and I was in the fifth grade. The school had a holiday concert bash planned and each classroom in the school was going to perform a song. As a Jehovah’s Witness kid I was not allowed to participate. Up to that point I never felt I was missing out on celebrating the holidays. Unlike many other kids I knew that were in my situation, I could easily explain to you why I did not. I was the type of Jehovah’s Witness kid that would carry his Bible to school so that I could explain to my teacher why I could not salute the flag, “If you see here in Deuteronomy 4:15-20…” The Christmas explanation was a breeze. I had a lot of love in my house, from my mother and my siblings. Holidays or not I was a happy kid.
The day of the concert came and since I was not going to participate I was left with some activities to complete in the classroom. Our classroom was on the third floor of the school. Out of curiosity I walked over to the window and saw the set up they had on the playground. Then the singing began. I continued to watch and realized that I was the only person in the whole building. Everyone was outside. Once all the grades sang their songs, they all sang Jingle Bell Rock together. I loved the song! Listening to everyone sing it together was inspiring. That’s when I felt it. The one time in my whole childhood I felt I was missing out on the holidays was when I heard all those kids happily singing Jingle Bell Rock as I sat there alone.
When I hear Jingle Bell Rock today I am mentally transported to that moment to that feeling of being left out on what was just good clean fun because of a judgmental point of view that was inculcated by my church. At that one moment, I knew. It would not be until many years later that what I knew would be clear to me. Jingle Bell Rock reminds me of what the holidays are about, a celebration, a time for fun, and a time of giving. There is nothing wrong with choosing an occasion to share joy with others and there is no need to exclude yourself from it just because you disagree on the origins of such a celebration. Whether it was Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanza, or any other good old fashioned winter solstice celebration, I hope you enjoyed yours.
It was 1986 and I was in the fifth grade. The school had a holiday concert bash planned and each classroom in the school was going to perform a song. As a Jehovah’s Witness kid I was not allowed to participate. Up to that point I never felt I was missing out on celebrating the holidays. Unlike many other kids I knew that were in my situation, I could easily explain to you why I did not. I was the type of Jehovah’s Witness kid that would carry his Bible to school so that I could explain to my teacher why I could not salute the flag, “If you see here in Deuteronomy 4:15-20…” The Christmas explanation was a breeze. I had a lot of love in my house, from my mother and my siblings. Holidays or not I was a happy kid.
The day of the concert came and since I was not going to participate I was left with some activities to complete in the classroom. Our classroom was on the third floor of the school. Out of curiosity I walked over to the window and saw the set up they had on the playground. Then the singing began. I continued to watch and realized that I was the only person in the whole building. Everyone was outside. Once all the grades sang their songs, they all sang Jingle Bell Rock together. I loved the song! Listening to everyone sing it together was inspiring. That’s when I felt it. The one time in my whole childhood I felt I was missing out on the holidays was when I heard all those kids happily singing Jingle Bell Rock as I sat there alone.
When I hear Jingle Bell Rock today I am mentally transported to that moment to that feeling of being left out on what was just good clean fun because of a judgmental point of view that was inculcated by my church. At that one moment, I knew. It would not be until many years later that what I knew would be clear to me. Jingle Bell Rock reminds me of what the holidays are about, a celebration, a time for fun, and a time of giving. There is nothing wrong with choosing an occasion to share joy with others and there is no need to exclude yourself from it just because you disagree on the origins of such a celebration. Whether it was Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanza, or any other good old fashioned winter solstice celebration, I hope you enjoyed yours.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Top 25 things I learned from watching Paranormal Activity (2007)
I saw Paranormal Activity (2007) for the first time a few days ago. I would like to share the top 25 things I learned while watching this movie.
25. Demons are invisible.
24. Demons bite – never knew that!
23. Micah has ugly feet.
22. “I trust you as far as I can throw you,” does not apply to demons.
21. Having a demon is like having a new born baby.
20. Demons close the door on your face just to knock on the outside.
19. Demons can be sensitive; they keep pictures from your childhood.
18. Demons live in the attic.
17. “I’m going to fucking solve the problem,” is a rational response to demons in your home.
16. Demons leave footprints, which is a good thing for demon hunters.
15. Micah is the worst boyfriend…EVER!
14. Demons will play and burn Ouija when you’re not around.
13. I didn’t buy it! I borrowed it! That is showing her!
12. If you talk in your sleep “I wouldn’t call it talking.”
11. Demons want to watch TV but each time they try they get static.
10. Even if you KNOW you have a demon, say “Who’s there?” every time.
9. Your concern for your camera comes first above all else, including your girlfriend.
8. Do whatever a condescending prick will tell you.
7. Demons like to leave keys on the middle of the floor.
6. Demons will make you stare at things.
5. Demons only come out at night, apparently they can’t handle sunlight.
4. “What is your quest? What is your favorite color?” These are acceptable questions to ask a demon.
3. Dump your girlfriend if she has a stalker demon.
2. Demons have nothing better to do.
1. Demons hate cameras more than the Amish do.
What a piece of shit movie!
25. Demons are invisible.
24. Demons bite – never knew that!
23. Micah has ugly feet.
22. “I trust you as far as I can throw you,” does not apply to demons.
21. Having a demon is like having a new born baby.
20. Demons close the door on your face just to knock on the outside.
19. Demons can be sensitive; they keep pictures from your childhood.
18. Demons live in the attic.
17. “I’m going to fucking solve the problem,” is a rational response to demons in your home.
16. Demons leave footprints, which is a good thing for demon hunters.
15. Micah is the worst boyfriend…EVER!
14. Demons will play and burn Ouija when you’re not around.
13. I didn’t buy it! I borrowed it! That is showing her!
12. If you talk in your sleep “I wouldn’t call it talking.”
11. Demons want to watch TV but each time they try they get static.
10. Even if you KNOW you have a demon, say “Who’s there?” every time.
9. Your concern for your camera comes first above all else, including your girlfriend.
8. Do whatever a condescending prick will tell you.
7. Demons like to leave keys on the middle of the floor.
6. Demons will make you stare at things.
5. Demons only come out at night, apparently they can’t handle sunlight.
4. “What is your quest? What is your favorite color?” These are acceptable questions to ask a demon.
3. Dump your girlfriend if she has a stalker demon.
2. Demons have nothing better to do.
1. Demons hate cameras more than the Amish do.
What a piece of shit movie!
Saturday, November 27, 2010
An Anti-Theist I Am Not
Do I disagree with theism? Yes. Do I oppose it? Usually. Do I consider myself an anti-theist? No. An anti-theist I am not.
"Anti-theism is active and vocal opposition to belief in gods of any sort and to institutions built around belief in a deity. Anti-theists are not passive atheists; they delight in atheism and delight in exposing the errors, absurdities, and pretensions of theists."
http://www.skepdic.com/antitheism.html
This seems to summarize how anti-theism is generally defined.
Theism is a very broad term covering countless interpretations of God, being an anti-theist would place me in opposition to belief in gods of "any" sort, which I am not. The vaguer the definition of God a person gives and the less certain a person is with their belief, the less against it I find myself to be. To one person God may be the first cause, to another person the universe or nature, to another person it can be some unknown. Why would I have a problem with people investing belief in the concept when presented as such especially when they claim no certainty to it? What real harm could come from that? I may think it is a waste of time and a belief not worth investing in but against it? No.
Theism becomes a problem when individuals and organized religion clearly define what their God is, when they pretend to know what their God wants, and when the belief in God supersedes the verifiable. Once they do this they leave their God open to a bombardment of reasoning which renders their God impossible. The devil is in the details; the arch nemesis of theism. This is the type of theism I am against.
I am an atheist and I am not against theism in its entirety. I may express anti-theistic sentiments to particular gods and institutions; nevertheless, an anti-theist I am not.
"Anti-theism is active and vocal opposition to belief in gods of any sort and to institutions built around belief in a deity. Anti-theists are not passive atheists; they delight in atheism and delight in exposing the errors, absurdities, and pretensions of theists."
http://www.skepdic.com/antitheism.html
This seems to summarize how anti-theism is generally defined.
Theism is a very broad term covering countless interpretations of God, being an anti-theist would place me in opposition to belief in gods of "any" sort, which I am not. The vaguer the definition of God a person gives and the less certain a person is with their belief, the less against it I find myself to be. To one person God may be the first cause, to another person the universe or nature, to another person it can be some unknown. Why would I have a problem with people investing belief in the concept when presented as such especially when they claim no certainty to it? What real harm could come from that? I may think it is a waste of time and a belief not worth investing in but against it? No.
Theism becomes a problem when individuals and organized religion clearly define what their God is, when they pretend to know what their God wants, and when the belief in God supersedes the verifiable. Once they do this they leave their God open to a bombardment of reasoning which renders their God impossible. The devil is in the details; the arch nemesis of theism. This is the type of theism I am against.
I am an atheist and I am not against theism in its entirety. I may express anti-theistic sentiments to particular gods and institutions; nevertheless, an anti-theist I am not.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
The Light
There is a light you cannot see.
A blinding light called clarity.
And if you choose to close your eyes,
there comes a voice "You will die."
The light is might.
It's never wrong.
It's always right.
It sings the same songs
of triumph over all.
With all the answers to life,
united in a fictitious paradise.
This life I lived in a blinding light.
I turned it off to save my sight.
A blinding light called clarity.
And if you choose to close your eyes,
there comes a voice "You will die."
The light is might.
It's never wrong.
It's always right.
It sings the same songs
of triumph over all.
With all the answers to life,
united in a fictitious paradise.
This life I lived in a blinding light.
I turned it off to save my sight.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
The Devil–all he ever wanted
It is recorded that the devil inflicted pain on to one man and killed ten members of his family with God's consent in order to prove that men only worshipped God because he bribed them. Not only did God put this man through a guilt trip when it seemed the devil’s plan was working, he later rewarded his faithfulness with a bribe, which only reinforced the devil’s initial accusation.
In another story a snake, which many believers teach was the devil in disguise, convinced a human to disobey God. He told the newly created human that if she disobeyed the stipulation their creator gave them, she would be like God, knowing the good and bad. She went along with it and some time later convinced her husband to disobey God's petty order as well. When God realized what happened, he became infuriated and the three of them were scolded and condemned.
All the devil really wanted was to be like his dad, to have what he had, without holding out and without the hypocrisy. But alas, to be like God is evil. It is so vile that you are banished and branded a traitor, an adversary. What does that tell you about Yahweh's character? If he is so great, how could the one angel that most resembles him be so terrible?
The devil exposed a tyrant who relied on bribes and coercion for others to love him. The devil encouraged others to use their free will. The devil is the hero of these stories.
You don’t like the spin I gave these stories? Too bad, what I did is not much different than what most people do with these allegorical stories anyway. A good sense of humour and imagination goes a long way.
Amen. :)-
In another story a snake, which many believers teach was the devil in disguise, convinced a human to disobey God. He told the newly created human that if she disobeyed the stipulation their creator gave them, she would be like God, knowing the good and bad. She went along with it and some time later convinced her husband to disobey God's petty order as well. When God realized what happened, he became infuriated and the three of them were scolded and condemned.
All the devil really wanted was to be like his dad, to have what he had, without holding out and without the hypocrisy. But alas, to be like God is evil. It is so vile that you are banished and branded a traitor, an adversary. What does that tell you about Yahweh's character? If he is so great, how could the one angel that most resembles him be so terrible?
The devil exposed a tyrant who relied on bribes and coercion for others to love him. The devil encouraged others to use their free will. The devil is the hero of these stories.
You don’t like the spin I gave these stories? Too bad, what I did is not much different than what most people do with these allegorical stories anyway. A good sense of humour and imagination goes a long way.
Amen. :)-
Monday, October 25, 2010
Who gives a fuck? Why help Ex-Jehovah's Witnesses?
Since 2006 I have spent a considerable amount of time helping persons that have left the Jehovah's Witness organization find support. It all started with a group on MySpace called "Ex-Jehovah's Witness Recovery Group." Many of my closest friends today I met through that group, including my wife Emily. There have been three incarnations of that group due to the fact the first one was taken off from MySpace, and the second was abandoned for the third on Facebook. I also started a YouTube page called "Ex-Jehovah's Witnesses Speak Out," where I post short segments of conversations I have with Ex-Jehovah's Witnesses when my wife and I meet them at different venues. We are not as involved in these activities as much as we were in the past, but we continue to do what we can.
Believe it or not, many of us who do this have been criticized for spending our time helping others with their transition out of this high control group. I have received comments such as "Who gives a fuck?" "Why don't you just let it go?" "Why can't you respect their Religion?" So on and so forth. For all those that think it’s a waste of time to open your heart to persons that genuinely need a friend. For all those who feel it is not helpful to confide in a person that has been in your particular position. Please take a minute to read the following message addressed to my wife Emily by someone we care about very much.
“Have I ever told you how special you are to me Emily? In case I haven't...Let me explain…sweetie…
When I first discovered facebook and the exjw groups, I pretty much opened up about all the pain of my moms rejection of me after I disassociated myself…yada…yada...yada…I was really depressed...borderline suicidal, which I go through at least once a year or so.
I did not know you from Adam, and sweetie…and you picked up on it INSTANTLY....you invited me to not only come to your house...but you even offered to pick me up at the station, and said I could spend the night. My goodness Emily I coulda been a serial killer.
You just went on your vibe and were so open to me…I'll love you forever because of that sweetie!
I used to associate that kind of generosity of spirit, and selfless loving concern (EXCLUSIVELY) with the JWs!!
I seriously thought that no non JW would ever be so loving and open and generous without expecting something in return!
I know better now hon…
I thought that my exjw childhood girlfriends were sweet to me because they had known me forever! But Emily you and Ruben had never ever met me...not even on the phone!
Just want you to know that hon...
People like you make believers out of me. The kind of belief I value and cherish…the selfless goodness that comes from living a bullshit free life!”
Need I say more?
Believe it or not, many of us who do this have been criticized for spending our time helping others with their transition out of this high control group. I have received comments such as "Who gives a fuck?" "Why don't you just let it go?" "Why can't you respect their Religion?" So on and so forth. For all those that think it’s a waste of time to open your heart to persons that genuinely need a friend. For all those who feel it is not helpful to confide in a person that has been in your particular position. Please take a minute to read the following message addressed to my wife Emily by someone we care about very much.
“Have I ever told you how special you are to me Emily? In case I haven't...Let me explain…sweetie…
When I first discovered facebook and the exjw groups, I pretty much opened up about all the pain of my moms rejection of me after I disassociated myself…yada…yada...yada…I was really depressed...borderline suicidal, which I go through at least once a year or so.
I did not know you from Adam, and sweetie…and you picked up on it INSTANTLY....you invited me to not only come to your house...but you even offered to pick me up at the station, and said I could spend the night. My goodness Emily I coulda been a serial killer.
You just went on your vibe and were so open to me…I'll love you forever because of that sweetie!
I used to associate that kind of generosity of spirit, and selfless loving concern (EXCLUSIVELY) with the JWs!!
I seriously thought that no non JW would ever be so loving and open and generous without expecting something in return!
I know better now hon…
I thought that my exjw childhood girlfriends were sweet to me because they had known me forever! But Emily you and Ruben had never ever met me...not even on the phone!
Just want you to know that hon...
People like you make believers out of me. The kind of belief I value and cherish…the selfless goodness that comes from living a bullshit free life!”
Need I say more?
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