Who gives a fuck? Why help Ex-Jehovah's Witnesses?

Since 2006 I have spent a considerable amount of time helping persons that have left the Jehovah's Witness organization find support. It all started with a group on MySpace called "Ex-Jehovah's Witness Recovery Group." Many of my closest friends today I met through that group, including my wife Emily. There have been three incarnations of that group due to the fact the first one was taken off from MySpace, and the second was abandoned for the third on Facebook. I also started a YouTube page called "Ex-Jehovah's Witnesses Speak Out," where I post short segments of conversations I have with Ex-Jehovah's Witnesses when my wife and I meet them at different venues. We are not as involved in these activities as much as we were in the past, but we continue to do what we can.

Believe it or not, many of us who do this have been criticized for spending our time helping others with their transition out of this high control group. I have received comments such as "Who gives a fuck?" "Why don't you just let it go?" "Why can't you respect their Religion?" So on and so forth. For all those that think it’s a waste of time to open your heart to persons that genuinely need a friend. For all those who feel it is not helpful to confide in a person that has been in your particular position. Please take a minute to read the following message addressed to my wife Emily by someone we care about very much.

“Have I ever told you how special you are to me Emily? In case I haven't...Let me explain…sweetie…

When I first discovered facebook and the exjw groups, I pretty much opened up about all the pain of my moms rejection of me after I disassociated myself…yada…yada...yada…I was really depressed...borderline suicidal, which I go through at least once a year or so.

I did not know you from Adam, and sweetie…and you picked up on it INSTANTLY....you invited me to not only come to your house...but you even offered to pick me up at the station, and said I could spend the night. My goodness Emily I coulda been a serial killer.

You just went on your vibe and were so open to me…I'll love you forever because of that sweetie!

I used to associate that kind of generosity of spirit, and selfless loving concern (EXCLUSIVELY) with the JWs!!

I seriously thought that no non JW would ever be so loving and open and generous without expecting something in return!
I know better now hon…

I thought that my exjw childhood girlfriends were sweet to me because they had known me forever! But Emily you and Ruben had never ever met me...not even on the phone!
Just want you to know that hon...

People like you make believers out of me. The kind of belief I value and cherish…the selfless goodness that comes from living a bullshit free life!”

Need I say more?

Letter to my Ex-Wife

I found my first ex-wife on Facebook and sent her a message. It was something I wanted to tell her for some time but wasn't able to since we lost all touch over five years ago. This was my message to her. It was written in Spanish and I have translated it for this blog.

Hello ____:

I am not going to send you a “friend request” nor do I expect a response. I just wanted to send you this message. I am not the same person I was, I have the same heart, but I am not the same. I have matured and recognized many things about myself and events in my life. The past is the past, and in regards to our broken marriage I recognize the errors I committed as well. Our reasons for getting married were invalid. I should’ve realized it was a bad idea to marry you from the start and not let myself be swayed by my desperation of getting married. There were many signs indicating that it was a bad idea, and because of a combination of hormones, culpability, and obligation I ignored them. I apologize; I was young and ignorant of many things. I am not excusing the way you treated me, the things you did and said hurt, it was not necessary to go about it in such a manner. However, looking back I understand your desperation and I recognize that you were young (very young) and ignorant in regards to many things as well. Not everything is black and white ____, I no longer see the world that way. I want you to know that I have no bad sentiment, nor resentment for what happened. As they say in English “We didn’t know any better.”

I live in Connecticut, not too far from my family. I have had the opportunity to build a relationship with them that I didn’t have before. I also have found love. My wife and I love each other very much and she is my best friend. I am so very happy. Your tenacity started a chain reaction that ultimately brought me to where I am today. For that a thousand thanks.

Well if you desire my door is always open to you, if you would like to say hello, I am here, if not “no problem!” As I stated in the beginning, I don’t expect a response. I hope you are happy and I desire the best for your beautiful daughter that I see on your profile picture and for David if you are still together.

Ruben Ortiz

Creator

Old paradigms have been destroyed.

Freedom is now spoken and no longer just heard.

Slowly breathing the air around me, and no longer inhaling the poison from deluded carbon based machines.

Reality becomes tangible, flexible, and not built on steps going up nowhere.

True magic exists.

Life is a canvas, and the universe is the paint. We are the artists ready to create.

I am ready. I am human and I am God.

Ruben Ortiz
10/31/08

My Son

This is the image of a poem my father wrote for me about 26 years ago. I was 8 years old and hadn't seen him in 4 years. In my blog "Julio Iglesias is not my Father." I explain the circumstances. This is what he wrote, translated to Enlgish:

My Son

It was six in the afternoon.
I just got off work.
All of a sudden my soul felt the impulse to leave go to a house not too far away.
An hour passed, the clock marked seven.
“Who is it?” Asked Jose, “It’s me Ruben.”
What a surprise, ask my wife, at this moment we thought of you.
I spoke to the one who was your woman and she told me that your son you could see.
I anxiously waited for the arrival of a piece of my heart.
The minutes passed and I grew desperate.
Come up gang, the lady has arrived and she has brought you a gift.
Let’s go up the stairs, as released children in search of a present.
I continued to wait anxiously for my boy’s arrival
He came around the corner desperately and stood by my side
He reached to me with his arms wide open
That got me emotional.
Daddy he said and with great strength he gave me a big squeeze and a kiss as big as his heart. I saw him a second time.
Daddy! He greeted me with great emotion and with a big kiss and hug.
Showing me that he loved me and how genuine his love was.
We said goodbye and my soul was left with a ray of hope.
I thought of the future and his great love.
I thought of his Mother, a woman of great valor who gave me a lovely male child.
Who I love with the bottom of my heart
Who despite his age gave me his love.

I consider this one of my most valued possessions.

We did it our way

Emily Elliott and I are now married. We didn't and don't need rings, some big ceremony, some formal party that would have cost us a fortune, nor does she have to adopt a name that isn’t hers. We decided to go about our marriage and celebration of such agreement, our way.

We were married on May 20, 2010, Thursday afternoon. A day like any other. We went to the courthouse and asked them to sign the certificate we had sitting in our kitchen for a few months. A justice of peace, dressed in very informal clothes married us. He performed a ring-less ceremony that took about 5-10 minutes. We held hands said our vows and then the certificate was signed. We headed out with Sean and Heather and celebrated with a drink at the bar. We called it a day.

Our original plan was to surprise our guests and be married at the “Best House Party Ever.” But we didn’t realize the marriage certificate would expire by then if we did this. So we decided to make it a surprise coming out we are married party. On Saturday June 12, 2010 we shared with all our friends the news of our marriage via the party and facebook. It was a blast, and we were touched that so many came from far to spend the day with us; loved ones came from California, Washington D.C., New York City, and Massachusetts. We were also grateful for all the phone calls, emails, and facebook messages from those who could not make it. It meant a lot to us.

It was so great to have shared such moments with people that genuinely care and love you. It was overwhelming and humbling. Emily’s grandmother, great-aunt, and great-uncle were so much help, the guests wouldn't have had the selection they did if it wasn't for them. Our friend Sean, as always, was a lifesaver. Juan didn't need the title "best man" he is my best man, he was such a huge help and the celebration wouldn't have been the same without him. My sister Maggie insisted there be cake, and some tradition seeped in into our non-traditional celebration. It was so worth it. A beautiful impromptu moment of song and speeches came from it; which my nephew and niece Tito and Jasmin deserve a special shout out, for helping with the recording and initiation of the special moment. We loved Carmen's beautiful song and are forever grateful for that wonderful gift. And a very special thanks to the other woman in my life, for always being there for me, pushing me, and making me cry. ;) Thanks Lisa.



I would like to thank everyone who was there, from family to old freinds to new friends. I would also like to thank all of you who shared kind words. We love you and appreciate you all very much. Thank you for sharing your beauty, and allowing us to share ours with you.

Intolerance in Disguise

I am a former member of the Jehovah’s Witnesses; one that has disassociated himself from their organization. For those of you who don’t know what this implies, I will explain it to you in simple terms. I excommunicated myself. Jehovah’s Witnesses are not allowed to speak to me, not even to say “hello”. Those that shun ex-members, are under the impression they are helping the excommunicated person and pleasing God. I am discriminated against for contradicting this organization’s Religious beliefs by persons of that Religion and I have learned to deal with it. I know many of them are misguided, and some are just plain hypocrites but I know where I stand with them and why. Most of them will not hesitate to express their stance. There is no mystery to their bigotry; it’s out in the open. They even have a special name for me “Apostate”.

I am dealing with a new kind of intolerance as of late; intolerance in disguise. Let me share a few examples that will give you a better idea of what I’m talking about.

Here is a message I received on facebook:

“Ruben you know I love you very much, you are like a big brother to me. I would never cause any harm to you but I can no longer be your friend on facebook. It saddens me to see your videos, blogs, and statements. you have so much anger and i honestly dont know why or understand it. I really dont pay much attention to what you post about Jehovah and his organization, but now I feel like I am contributing to you bashing Jehovah. Correction: Not contributing but agreeing with you. Please understand. I do love you and will always love you.”

This is not from an active Jehovah’s Witness. I’ve known this person for more than eighteen years. This person has been excommunicated by this organization as long as I have. You might think this person is the same as those Jehovah’s Witnesses that do it because they feel they are pleasing their God. Maybe, except there is one big difference between this person and many of those misguided Jehovah’s Witnesses. You are what you do and this person does what a Jehovah’s Witness doesn’t, this person may believe in “Jehovah God” but they are not a Jehovah’s Witness. If this person feels that it is God’s organization maybe they should be more preoccupied with getting back in before judging the intentions of another. Read that message carefully “you have so much anger” really? Why would my “sibling” think I was angry? I’m confused, I didn’t write anything out of anger. Oh wait a minute! I think this issue is clarified for me in that same message: “I really dont pay much attention to what you post about Jehovah and his organization”. This person says they “love me” and yet accuse me of being angry when they haven’t even taken the time to read what I posted.

One might say Oh but this person is being nice and said they can’t be your friend on facebook. This was written to me nine months ago. Have I heard from this friend? Received one call from this friend? No. And quite frankly, I have no desire to continue reaching out to a person that ignored my initial, sincere reply to that message.

I have had many encounters with persons that do not like my take on Religion, “God”, politics, and other subjects. I’ve had people say very negative things about me behind my back simply because I spoke against ideas they hold dear, or expressed my disagreement with their live and let live attitude. Narrow-mindedness is not limited to the Religious. In one case, a fellow non-believer cast me off his friend list because I agreed with someone else that a particular Religious group was more secular than most. No warning just took me off and no longer communicates with me.

What’s my point? You don’t have to hide your intolerance just come out and say it, be honest, I can accept that. You have every right not to like what I say. You don’t have to be my friend. Just don’t tell me you love me then turn around and ignore me. Just say what you mean. I’d rather hear that then to have to deal with nonsense. You may say I am intolerant to certain ideas. Yes, that is true. I don’t respect certain ideas, I don’t respect certain beliefs, and if asked I will be honest and straight up about it. That doesn’t mean I can’t respect you as a person, be your friend, or even love you. If your intolerance to my ideas hinders your ability to be a friend, to care for me as a person, I rather you take a hike from my life. I don’t need that kind of bullshit.

Just saw Iron Man 2

The best part about watching Iron Man 2 on the big screen was the fact that I got to see the trailer for The Last Airbender, seriously. For me, what made it an almost enjoyable flick was the reprisal of Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark/Iron Man. In an almost way too convincing fashion, he plays the almost godly Stark. His performance, as the narcissistic hero you love to love, almost helped me forget the weak story line. Almost.

This movie is brain candy. The story had more holes in it than a blow up doll. How did Ivan Vanko know Tony Stark was going to be at that race? Why become one of the mechanics at the race track and begin to chop cars? How could he have known that Tony would drive if Tony decided to drive on an impulse? Vanko wants to make the “god” bleed, succeeds, and yet once he supposedly accomplished what he set out to do, he goes and tries to kill him with an army of drones and a hijacked Iron Man suit and then his own suit? What is this a video game? Grrrr! These things get to me and I have to ask myself, did anyone else notice that? Those are just a few examples off the top of my head.What an anti-climatic battle scene between Iron Man, War Machine, and Vanko! That was dissappointing. Another thing, with all the spectacular special effects they couldn’t get a better costume for Samuel L Jackson than the ridiculous one he wears as Fury? It looks like they stole it off the set of a Syfy channel series. And one more gripe: Okay we get it Stan Lee made the fucking characters, we can stop the game of “Where’s Stan Lee?” already.

I know, I know, this is a movie and there are rules moviegoers play by, such as you suspend reality and enjoy. Yes, you can find all kinds of holes in any movie if you look hard enough, especially in a comic based one. I just don’t want them in my face. Look at the first Iron Man and The Dark Knight released around the same time, the stories were more cohesive, they had great writing! I could invest in those stories, but not this one. I only invested in Downey as Stark, that’s why the best I could give it is an “okay.” Dare I say it, I was almost bored.