Dear Sagan,
You are days away from being born. I feel like I'm waiting for my wedding day except I don't know what day you're going to choose to show your head. I don't know who you will become or what kind of man you'll be someday. All I know is that you come from the two most important people in my life, your mother, and of course the person anyone should love the most, myself. It took billions of years for us to show up on the scene and here we are. You will become the part of my heart I leave to this world, along with some of my DNA I selfishly want to leave behind after I'm long gone. I would love to see that. Honestly, ever since I found out your mother was pregnant, my mortality has been staring me in the face. I will do the best I can to be there for you as long as I can.
There are many expressions you will hear in your life; idioms that have a figurative meaning. One very popular one is "Nobody's perfect." Some day, as I probably bore you with one of the many life lessons I will attempt to impress on you, I'll probably ask you what you think that means. Seriously, what the hell is perfection anyway? I think a better way of expressing that idea would be, "Everyone makes mistakes." And here's a heads up kid, your mother and I are no exception. We're going to make lots of them. It's part of being human and a much needed experience to have in many cases. Mistakes can help us grow. In some instances you will learn from the mistakes others make; in fact, you might want to shoot for as many of those as you can, especially the actions that have irreversible consequences. However, we all make them and I hope you keep that in mind when dealing with us, and we'll keep that in mind when we're dealing with you.
There are many promises I want to make you. Yes, there will be times that I will not come through or fuck up; nevertheless, I give you my word that I will do my best to keep them. I want to take this opportunity to share ten of the biggest ones:
1. I promise to always love you; unless you become the biggest asshole in the world and a scourge on this planet.
You are and will always be my son. I want you to know that your mother and I will always love you. The conditions are pretty damn high, unless you become the next Hitler, a serial killer, try to kill us, or some other crime towards humanity, point is we'll always be there for you. That's as close to unconditional as you can get. And if I still love you, even after you do something terrible like that, it doesn't make me a bad person, it makes me human.
2. I promise to respect you as a person despite your age.
Just because you are young doesn't mean you do not deserve respect. If I want you to respect us we must respect you. Part of that respect includes knowing when to discipline you, how to discipline you, learning age appropriate discipline, never intentionally hurting you physically, and learning when it's time to let you fly on your own.
3. I promise to trust you.
Trust is a very important part of any relationship. Just as I expect us to have mutual respect for each other, I will expect us to have mutual trust for one another. We both must earn it and recognize that certain actions can either build that trust or hurt it.
4. As much as it will probably pain me at a particular point, no matter how annoyed I become, I promise always to explain to the best of my ability the sometimes dreaded word a parent can hear hundreds of times a day: Why.
I remember using this word to the point that it possibly made your Grandmother's ears bleed. I hated, no, detested when in response I would simply hear "Because I said so." It drove me mad. I know she meant well, and believe me, she did a great job raising me but that was one of her mistakes. I really felt invalidated when told that. I do not want you to feel that way. I will do my best to explain why certain things are the way they are and why your mother and I expect you to follow certain rules. I will do my best.
5. I promise to place a huge emphasis on your education.
Growing up, neither my family nor your mother's family placed an emphasis on education. We grew up in a religion that placed more of an emphasis on worshiping a God than pursuing a higher education. School is crucial. College will be spoken about from the time you're an infant. Even if you decide to do something else with your life that doesn't require a higher education, you will be extorted to pursue one anyway, not as a means to detract you from your dream, but for you to have something to fall back on while you shoot for it.
6. I promise to love you no matter what your sexual orientation is.
Whatever your sexual orientation, straight, gay, bi-sexual, or trans-gender, you will always be a part of us. We will love you. This world can be a cruel place to those that are different. In our home, in our family, you will be loved beyond measure and we will love you and be proud of you now matter your sexual orientation.
7. I promise to expose you to different ideologies and respect the right you have to decide your worldview.
By the time you read this you may already know that your Dad is a non-believer and skeptic. I don't have a religion to teach you and plan to raise you in a secular home. Science will be used to answer many questions we have explanations for. However, I think it would be a great disservice not to expose you to at least some of the ideas out there. You have a right to learn them and come to your own conclusions. I plan to teach you what I have learned about religion, God, etc. And not only one side of the issue, but also speak to you on why people find hope in these. There is a rich history, at times grotesque, at times beautiful. I would like us to visit different churches, hear their thoughts from their own voices, and I look forward to hear your thoughts on what they have to say. I am sure that doing this will help you come to your own rational conclusions.
8. I promise I will do my best to not be overprotective.
Many of Dad's friends don't know this about me, but when it comes to kids, I'm like my mother, I'm a bit overprotective. I am a worry wart, ask your mother. Every time she feels ill, or if I don't hear from her when I am expecting to, etc. she will receive many phone calls from me. I begin to worry and all these scenarios run through my head. She is the only thing coming between me placing a GPS device on you. HA! You have my permission to call me out on that shit anytime I get all liberal on a subject. I will do my best to be age appropriate with my protective nature.
9. I promise to celebrate any damn holiday with you that you want.
Your mother and I were not allowed to celebrate any holidays growing up. Now ain't that some shit? Not you kiddo! You're going to get to celebrate any holiday you want, from Halloween to Christmas, it will be a no holds bar open tradition fest in our home. We may place a different significance behind the holidays than other people; nevertheless, they will be our family tradition aimed at bringing us close together.
10. I promise to provide for you physically and financially to the best of my ability.
We're not rich and most likely never will be, but we will do our best to provide you with what you need, and if circumstances permit, more. One thing that we find important is eating good food. So prepare for your parents to be feeding you healthy foods. Junk food will be allowed at times but for the most part we're going to feed you the good stuff. Your health will be a priority as will be providing you with the essentials one needs to live a comfortable life.
There are many more promises I intend to make and keep Sagan, these are just a few. I can't wait to meet you. I can't wait to hold you. I can't wait to hug and kiss you. I can't wait to raise you. I loved you before you even existed. Just the idea of you filled my heart with joy, can you imagine what I will feel when I hold you in my arms? I think your mother is right, I think I'm going to cry like a little bitch. Someday I'll let you know if she was right.
Love,
Dad
