Emily Elliott and I are now married. We didn't and don't need rings, some big ceremony, some formal party that would have cost us a fortune, nor does she have to adopt a name that isn’t hers. We decided to go about our marriage and celebration of such agreement, our way.
We were married on May 20, 2010, Thursday afternoon. A day like any other. We went to the courthouse and asked them to sign the certificate we had sitting in our kitchen for a few months. A justice of peace, dressed in very informal clothes married us. He performed a ring-less ceremony that took about 5-10 minutes. We held hands said our vows and then the certificate was signed. We headed out with Sean and Heather and celebrated with a drink at the bar. We called it a day.
Our original plan was to surprise our guests and be married at the “Best House Party Ever.” But we didn’t realize the marriage certificate would expire by then if we did this. So we decided to make it a surprise coming out we are married party. On Saturday June 12, 2010 we shared with all our friends the news of our marriage via the party and facebook. It was a blast, and we were touched that so many came from far to spend the day with us; loved ones came from California, Washington D.C., New York City, and Massachusetts. We were also grateful for all the phone calls, emails, and facebook messages from those who could not make it. It meant a lot to us.
It was so great to have shared such moments with people that genuinely care and love you. It was overwhelming and humbling. Emily’s grandmother, great-aunt, and great-uncle were so much help, the guests wouldn't have had the selection they did if it wasn't for them. Our friend Sean, as always, was a lifesaver. Juan didn't need the title "best man" he is my best man, he was such a huge help and the celebration wouldn't have been the same without him. My sister Maggie insisted there be cake, and some tradition seeped in into our non-traditional celebration. It was so worth it. A beautiful impromptu moment of song and speeches came from it; which my nephew and niece Tito and Jasmin deserve a special shout out, for helping with the recording and initiation of the special moment. We loved Carmen's beautiful song and are forever grateful for that wonderful gift. And a very special thanks to the other woman in my life, for always being there for me, pushing me, and making me cry. ;) Thanks Lisa.
I would like to thank everyone who was there, from family to old freinds to new friends. I would also like to thank all of you who shared kind words. We love you and appreciate you all very much. Thank you for sharing your beauty, and allowing us to share ours with you.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Intolerance in Disguise
I am a former member of the Jehovah’s Witnesses; one that has disassociated himself from their organization. For those of you who don’t know what this implies, I will explain it to you in simple terms. I excommunicated myself. Jehovah’s Witnesses are not allowed to speak to me, not even to say “hello”. Those that shun ex-members, are under the impression they are helping the excommunicated person and pleasing God. I am discriminated against for contradicting this organization’s Religious beliefs by persons of that Religion and I have learned to deal with it. I know many of them are misguided, and some are just plain hypocrites but I know where I stand with them and why. Most of them will not hesitate to express their stance. There is no mystery to their bigotry; it’s out in the open. They even have a special name for me “Apostate”.
I am dealing with a new kind of intolerance as of late; intolerance in disguise. Let me share a few examples that will give you a better idea of what I’m talking about.
Here is a message I received on facebook:
“Ruben you know I love you very much, you are like a big brother to me. I would never cause any harm to you but I can no longer be your friend on facebook. It saddens me to see your videos, blogs, and statements. you have so much anger and i honestly dont know why or understand it. I really dont pay much attention to what you post about Jehovah and his organization, but now I feel like I am contributing to you bashing Jehovah. Correction: Not contributing but agreeing with you. Please understand. I do love you and will always love you.”
This is not from an active Jehovah’s Witness. I’ve known this person for more than eighteen years. This person has been excommunicated by this organization as long as I have. You might think this person is the same as those Jehovah’s Witnesses that do it because they feel they are pleasing their God. Maybe, except there is one big difference between this person and many of those misguided Jehovah’s Witnesses. You are what you do and this person does what a Jehovah’s Witness doesn’t, this person may believe in “Jehovah God” but they are not a Jehovah’s Witness. If this person feels that it is God’s organization maybe they should be more preoccupied with getting back in before judging the intentions of another. Read that message carefully “you have so much anger” really? Why would my “sibling” think I was angry? I’m confused, I didn’t write anything out of anger. Oh wait a minute! I think this issue is clarified for me in that same message: “I really dont pay much attention to what you post about Jehovah and his organization”. This person says they “love me” and yet accuse me of being angry when they haven’t even taken the time to read what I posted.
One might say Oh but this person is being nice and said they can’t be your friend on facebook. This was written to me nine months ago. Have I heard from this friend? Received one call from this friend? No. And quite frankly, I have no desire to continue reaching out to a person that ignored my initial, sincere reply to that message.
I have had many encounters with persons that do not like my take on Religion, “God”, politics, and other subjects. I’ve had people say very negative things about me behind my back simply because I spoke against ideas they hold dear, or expressed my disagreement with their live and let live attitude. Narrow-mindedness is not limited to the Religious. In one case, a fellow non-believer cast me off his friend list because I agreed with someone else that a particular Religious group was more secular than most. No warning just took me off and no longer communicates with me.
What’s my point? You don’t have to hide your intolerance just come out and say it, be honest, I can accept that. You have every right not to like what I say. You don’t have to be my friend. Just don’t tell me you love me then turn around and ignore me. Just say what you mean. I’d rather hear that then to have to deal with nonsense. You may say I am intolerant to certain ideas. Yes, that is true. I don’t respect certain ideas, I don’t respect certain beliefs, and if asked I will be honest and straight up about it. That doesn’t mean I can’t respect you as a person, be your friend, or even love you. If your intolerance to my ideas hinders your ability to be a friend, to care for me as a person, I rather you take a hike from my life. I don’t need that kind of bullshit.
I am dealing with a new kind of intolerance as of late; intolerance in disguise. Let me share a few examples that will give you a better idea of what I’m talking about.
Here is a message I received on facebook:
“Ruben you know I love you very much, you are like a big brother to me. I would never cause any harm to you but I can no longer be your friend on facebook. It saddens me to see your videos, blogs, and statements. you have so much anger and i honestly dont know why or understand it. I really dont pay much attention to what you post about Jehovah and his organization, but now I feel like I am contributing to you bashing Jehovah. Correction: Not contributing but agreeing with you. Please understand. I do love you and will always love you.”
This is not from an active Jehovah’s Witness. I’ve known this person for more than eighteen years. This person has been excommunicated by this organization as long as I have. You might think this person is the same as those Jehovah’s Witnesses that do it because they feel they are pleasing their God. Maybe, except there is one big difference between this person and many of those misguided Jehovah’s Witnesses. You are what you do and this person does what a Jehovah’s Witness doesn’t, this person may believe in “Jehovah God” but they are not a Jehovah’s Witness. If this person feels that it is God’s organization maybe they should be more preoccupied with getting back in before judging the intentions of another. Read that message carefully “you have so much anger” really? Why would my “sibling” think I was angry? I’m confused, I didn’t write anything out of anger. Oh wait a minute! I think this issue is clarified for me in that same message: “I really dont pay much attention to what you post about Jehovah and his organization”. This person says they “love me” and yet accuse me of being angry when they haven’t even taken the time to read what I posted.
One might say Oh but this person is being nice and said they can’t be your friend on facebook. This was written to me nine months ago. Have I heard from this friend? Received one call from this friend? No. And quite frankly, I have no desire to continue reaching out to a person that ignored my initial, sincere reply to that message.
I have had many encounters with persons that do not like my take on Religion, “God”, politics, and other subjects. I’ve had people say very negative things about me behind my back simply because I spoke against ideas they hold dear, or expressed my disagreement with their live and let live attitude. Narrow-mindedness is not limited to the Religious. In one case, a fellow non-believer cast me off his friend list because I agreed with someone else that a particular Religious group was more secular than most. No warning just took me off and no longer communicates with me.
What’s my point? You don’t have to hide your intolerance just come out and say it, be honest, I can accept that. You have every right not to like what I say. You don’t have to be my friend. Just don’t tell me you love me then turn around and ignore me. Just say what you mean. I’d rather hear that then to have to deal with nonsense. You may say I am intolerant to certain ideas. Yes, that is true. I don’t respect certain ideas, I don’t respect certain beliefs, and if asked I will be honest and straight up about it. That doesn’t mean I can’t respect you as a person, be your friend, or even love you. If your intolerance to my ideas hinders your ability to be a friend, to care for me as a person, I rather you take a hike from my life. I don’t need that kind of bullshit.
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