Thank God!

Dear Humans,

You should be able to read this letter in your language. It will automatically translate to the language your brain is attuned to, and how you use the language. Oh and if you’re a moron, it’s going to sound moronic. So don’t blame me.

It’s me God. Wow! I’m telling you that was one long ass nap! Last thing I remember were a couple of you guys throwing poo at each other and me laughing at that funny little guy that ran around screaming “ooohhh ahhh ahhh ohhh ahhh ahhh!” LMFAO! Now that was funny! Oh sorry, where was I? Oh yeah! Well apparently that hidden code in DNA worked! Here you are with a huge frontal lobe, thinking, creating, and all that jazz. Great! Just as I planned! Let nature take its course and see what you get? Talking apes! So glad you didn’t evolve with the shit coming out of your head. You should meet the folks on Cz9, not a pretty sight or a good smelling one.

Okay what’s the point of this letter? Well I need to ask you guys a HUGE favor, namely those who claim to “know me” SHUT UP! STOP THANKING ME FOR EVERYTHING! Ug! It drives me Ray Comfort! Get it? Bananas? BA! The Angels like it!

I didn’t do anything worthy of a thank you lately. Look I’m just another god, making and destroying universes, and right now I am trying to take a nap, and you all woke me up! You know how? You’re all calling out to me at the same time! Day and night! And for the stupidest shit! What happened in the process that made you so needy? Geez! Hello? You have the capacity to do it yourselves! Use it!

You know what I heard that finally got me out of my slumber? Some chump thanking me for his success as a singer! Wow! How full of it is that guy? Didn’t thank his parents, or the other people that have had his back throughout his career, he thanked me; well at least he thought it was me. He actually said it was Jesus, my supposed “son” who supposedly is me. HA!

You guys are making me look bad, like it’s not bad enough you have books that make me seem like the universe’s biggest douche bag. In case you didn’t notice I haven’t been around, BECAUSE I WAS RESTING! I missed a lot! You apes seem to get in a lot of trouble and are pretty self –centered. The only reason you thank me is because you think you are getting something out of it. You can’t fool me, I wrote the programming. Plain and simple. Why do you think I was out of the picture this whole time? I’m waiting until you let go of those primitive qualities.

AGAIN! Please be quite!

Sincerely,
God # 125,632-B